Totally outlandish, Saints Row takes the gritty open-world realism formula created by games like GTA 4, and tosses them aside in favor of pure unadulterated fun. Whether you’re running around the streets swinging at police, flying through the air delivering high-impact wrestling moves on unsuspecting citizens, or tearing up the city with high-powered futuristic weaponry, Saints Row: The Third will make sure you have a good time doing it. And if you’re looking for the best ways to go out and have that fun you’ll enjoy this list of the top ranking weapons from the game.
12. The Penetrator
Starting as we mean to go on, the first weapon on this list is without a doubt one of the most hilarious to feature in the game. While the idea of using a brightly-colored dildo as a weapon in an open-world game isn’t a new concept (see San Andreas), this game makes quite enjoyable to use. Essentially a re-modeled baseball bat, the Penetrator will flop all over the place as you run. Yet it’s still capable of delivering a fatal blow to any unfortunate soul who gets in your way.
11. Satchel Charges
A slightly more plausible weapon, Satchel Charges are no less hilarious. Especially given the amazing physics engine in the game and the endlessly entertaining rag-doll physics. The animation for throwing the satchel charge is almost as exaggerated as the way your victims will fly through the air before landing a good distance away from where they started. Indulge your desire to recreate a Trojan horse by loading a car up with satchel charges, driving it towards a group of enemies, then diving out and watching the fireworks.
10. Reaper Drone
Another explosive entry to the list, the Reaper Drone is the weapon to call upon when you have a good vantage point – preferably up on the roof of a tall building – and want to rain down on your enemies at a distance. When you equip the high-tech Reaper Drone you will pull out a James Bond-like device with a screen. This gives you a bird’s eye view of whatever is below through a scope. Where this weapon excels is in its versatility. Either fire rockets blindly down onto the streets below, or if you want to get up close and personal just guide the missile towards someone for pinpoint precision and maximal destruction.
9. Behemoth
Unfortunately the Behemoth sword is not available outside of the Deckers.Die mission in Saints Row 3. However it is noteworthy enough to make it onto this list. The Behemoth sword is an insanely overpowered glowing sword bearing a striking resemblance to the one in Halo. The only difference is, the Behemoth in this game will allow you to dash in different directions with your attacks, or send out an earth-shattering shockwave, and even breathe fire if you’re into that kinda thing.
8. Shock Hammer
This oversized melee weapon is unfortunately only available for 10 uses at a time and can only be acquired through taking out members of the Deckers gang. However the Shock Hammer is 100% worth your time seeking out. Even if it is only a temporary weapon. Maybe the closest you’ll get to feeling like Thor in an open-world game, when you wield the Shock Hammer you’ll be able to send shockwaves of electricity and keep enemies at a respectable distance. A truly devastating melee weapon, the Shock Hammer is one that you’ll want to find at every opportunity you get.
7. Cyber Buster
From Thor to Megaman, you’ll find it hard not to love using this Megaman-inspired Cyber Buster firearm that’ll blow you – and your enemies – away. Since entertainment value ranks so highly in rating weapons from any game, the Cyber Buster takes a respectable position in this list. The futuristic sound effects certainly add to the carnage on screen. But the standout feature of this weapon is holding down the trigger and charging up a highly-concentrated ball of electrical energy to shoot out at anyone, then send anything in the vicinity into outer space.
6. Mollusk Launcher
A weapon that could have made the list just for its name alone, the Mollusk Launcher is quite the thing to play with. Pull out this rocket launcher modification and you’ll see a cute anime style octopus chilling on the barrel, making the most bizarre high-pitched sounds. Yes, these aren’t ordinary octopus you’ll be firing at your enemies. These are mind-control octopus. Once they latch on to the face of your victim the octopus will make their host dance around involuntarily before converting them to your side. As you can tell this would be particularly useful in a shootout.
5. Quarter-Circle Punch
Another mission-specific weapon like the Behemoth (number 9), Quarter Circle Punch is for those die-hard Street Fighter fans who have always wanted to be able to throw fireballs within an open-world setting. Available in The Trouble With Clones, the protagonist(yes that is his name) temporarily gains superhero abilities, one of which is these awesome fireballs. Making for perhaps some of the best Hadoukens you’ll have ever pulled off, the Quarter Circle Punch is worth repeating the mission for.
4. RC Possessor
Saints Row: The Third is essentially all about pulling off the impossible. And the RC Possessor proves just how good of a job they’ve done with this goal. Sometimes when playing an open-world game we don’t just want a real-life simulation. We want to be able to do something extraordinary like use a grapple hook outside the norms. Another such implementation of something just as cool is the RC Possessor which lets you take control of a vehicle remotely. This way you can use it however you see fit. Great for taking out that pesky gang without a scratch.
3. SA3 Airstrike
While adopting a similar premise than the Reaper Drone(number 10), what sets the SA3 Airstrike apart as a weapon is the ability to use it from relatively close up. This means you can whip it out in those tough situations when the enemy is taking cover behind a car or in a building and you can’t break through. Simply point the weapon and fire the laser until the sound of jets can be heard in the distance. Then sit back and watch the ensuing destruction.
2. Apoca Fist
Instantly pulverize all who stand in your way with the simply absurd Apoca Fist. A giant fist that is capable of reducing any person to a cloud of red mist, the Apoca Fist is highly entertaining and shouldn’t be looked over. As well as insta-kills, this weapon will send vehicles into infinity too. The best thing about the Apoca Fist is grabbing a friend, getting to the top of a tall building, having them stand on or get in a (robust) vehicle, then punching it to send it flying off the edge in one fell swoop.
1. Sonic Boom
While perhaps not the deadliest of weapons in terms of pure destruction, the Sonic Boom is arguably the most entertaining of the bunch to wield. Emitting sonic booms, this high-tech firearm can instantly vaporize people like the Apoca Fist or send cars flying backwards when you need more personal space. The best part of this weapon though, is like the Cyber Buster(number 7) it has an option to charge and fire a concentrated shot. And this powered-up shot is simply a delight to use on vehicles. It can also be used for similar purposes as the Apoca Fist, especially with friends around. But really if you’re looking to cause a bit of chaos this is the best weapon to get going fast.
